Care for Caregivers
How I support myself through the emotional and energetically draining work of caring for young children.
Now that we’re getting into the flow of the school year, I’m once again finding my way through the self care practices I work with to support my work as a teacher. While summer self care looked like a lot of time spent on the beach, eating a lot of fresh vegetables, letting go of an obsession with linear time to instead flow on my intuition, with Autumn comes a real shift towards routine and nourishment, and taking the wisdom I found in the freedom of summer deep into my inner life. Each Autumn I reinvent these practices to serve my ever evolving ways of being, and this year especially—with the potentially hustle-inducing process of launching a new project—I am finding lots of small ways throughout my days to find peace, center, and flow.
While I think self care is a deeply important part of being a person no matter what you do, working with children (whether you get paid for it or not) is so particularly intense that I see a real need for caregivers to devote extra time to it. Children are high drama and energetically and physically draining. They don’t have the same energetic or emotional boundaries that adults do, so they lean on and borrow from our energy to move through the world. Caregivers need to be SO strong and SO centered to manage that without breaking down and we don’t get that way by accident: it takes work.
Telling people to do yoga and meditate isn’t exactly groundbreaking—but trust me, DOING IT is. I’m sharing what I do in the hopes that it will offer the inspiration or information needed to spur you into action in some new way.
I’ve practiced yoga since childhood, and have maintained a practice (in different forms) for over a decade now. I take classes, but last year began giving myself the time to maintain a home practice as well which has been a real game changer. I take this as an opportunity to connect with my intuition and really tap into what my body needs on a given day. If you want to let someone else plan the class for you, Yogis Anonymous and Gaia both offer subscriptions to access online classes that people I trust love. Beyond it’s importance as a part of a self care practice, yoga supports my work with children by reminding me to find my breath in challenging situations. It also supports my physical body, which is worked really hard in the classroom. I’ve learned how to move in a way that keeps me flexible and avoids injury, and have used yoga to work through whatever overuse injuries I sustain.
Usually I sit to meditate after I’ve come into my physical body through yoga in the mornings. I started out using Headspace, which has awesome guided mindfulness meditations that I recommend to anyone looking to get into a daily practice. Giving myself just 10 minutes a day for a few months to meditate was a relatively small shift, but it measurably improved the way I worked with the children and my overall mental heath. If you’re looking for more guidance or support, Michelle Mankins is offering a 6 week mindfulness series on Wednesdays, just upstairs from Brooklyn Morning Garden!
being in water
Last year I had the blessing of an incredible outdoor shower that I used through November. I also had access to the beach every day after work (and even went some mornings before work). This year, back in the city, no such luck—but I do have a bathtub! Being with water is so powerful and profound when done intentionally, so I’ve made a point to do it every day, even if just in my tiny Brooklyn bathroom. In the morning I take a cold shower, slowly turning the knob from lukewarm to freezing over the course of a few minutes. It wakes me up and is a huge exercise in patience and mindfulness. In the evenings, I often take a very hot bath as well, to re-center myself after a long day.
This one is also harder to implement in the city, where we don’t all have beautiful lush meadows just steps away. But, especially when I’m feeling nervous or out of myself, it’s always worth it to bike to the park and take off my shoes and just breathe. Urban life can be literally so ungrounded, with lots of us spending our lives floating in steel towers, that the simple act of feeling the soft earth beneath our feet can be a big deal. (And yes, I do this even in the Winter.) I return from these outings with a renewed sense of perspective and calm, and often with inspiration on how to solve some problem or another. This is also something that’s easy to fit into your day with children, and good for them too! Obviously in the city you want to check the ground for broken glass, etc., but on the whole I’ve found both Prospect and Fort Greene Parks fields to be much cleaner than I was anticipating.
Not to counter everything I just said or anything, but all this self care stuff can get really heavy and exhausting. We can spend so much time taking care of ourselves, trying to fix ourselves, that we forget who we are and why we’re worth caring about. So I’ve also been giving myself permission to do the fun, silly stuff that’s maybe not so on brand. Lately I’ve been binge reading Harry Potter, taking a lot of spontaneous CitiBike rides, and listening to Santigold really loudly in my car. My partner is also really into games and we’ve been playing Fairy Tale Fluxx (a weird card game that comes in all sorts of different themes, like Star Trek and Anatomy and Pirates) and Gin at night rather than watching TV or both getting sucked into email.
One recent change I’ve made is to switch my afternoon coffee over to this mushroom coffee. It is definitely coffee, and is caffeinated, but is chiller and strings me out less than my traditional protocol of undiluted cold brew concentrate. This switch has helped me stay productive through the afternoon, rather than burning out and having to take a nap/stare blankly at the wall. Like the millennial I am, I doctor it up with collagen peptides and oat milk.
I’m also in love with infusions, nettle in particular. I am anemic, and I find that when I am drinking nettle infusions regularly I feel much stronger and have more energy. Much like a tea, but stronger, infusions are the best way to extract the medicinal value out of herbs like nettle, oatsraw, or raspberry leaf. I make mine in a french press: one ounce dried plant to every quart boiling water (eyeballed), let sit overnight or for at least 4 hours, then plunge. Nettle is best chilled with a pinch of salt, IMO.
Basically everything Moon Juice does is magic, and I’m there daily when I go to LA. Their dusts are fun, but I’m personally really bothered by even the tiniest bit of stevia, so I don’t take them anymore. BUT they just released SuperYou, which is super (lol) supportive of people living with daily stress—aka anyone who works with young children. It’s made out of a blend of researched adaptogenic mushrooms and herbs and helps normalize cortisol levels, which can get out of whack in the face of all the stimulation our nervous system faces in modern life.
Monk Oil is made by a Brooklyn-based Waldorf kindergarten teacher, who formulated it to help those of us in cities develop loving fortitude. It’s made out of cedar, lavender, and yarrow: all powerfully protective herbs. I cover my heart chakra with it before entering into a potentially overwhelming situation (like the subway) and have used it daily to support boundary work with children.
With all of this guidance, I want to acknowledge that it can feel exhausting to have to take care of yourself on top of everyone else. I remember at one point in my career breaking down in tears because it felt like all I ever did was take care of things: the house, the classroom, the children, and then at the end of the day myself! I’ve made a lot of structural changes to my life since then and have been able to now shift my perspective on self care to be something I do out of love for myself, rather than something I feel obligated to. For me, this shift required some massive prioritizing of how I spend my energy, and for me to make the decision that I didn’t have to hustle to be happy and successful. This is a larger evolution that I am too close to to offer much advice on, but if you’re feeling that way please believe me—I understand.
If you’re reading this, know that my biggest wish for you is that you learn your own worth and find comfort in this life. No matter the pressure you feel to do things perfectly, one of the most important things you can model for the children around you in a deep love of and care for yourself. The core aim in my life of these practices and potions is to allow myself, especially on hard days, of my inherent worth goodness and to find moments of comfort in my skin.